Wizardly Wednesday
The infamous Doctor Faust, as depicted in a German film from 1926.
Dig that Saturnine light fixture!
the Holmes 65
Bandit
Basilisk
Berserker
Black Pudding
Blink Dog
Bugbear
Carrion Crawler
Chimera
Cockatrice
Displacer Beast
Djinni
Doppleganger
Dragons
Dwarf
Elf
Fire Beetle
Gargoyle
Gelatinous Cube
Ghouls
Giants
Giant Ant
Giant Centipede
Giant Rats
Giant Tick - I don't use these enough
Gnoll
Gnome
Goblin
Gray Ooze
Green Slime
Griffon
Harpy
Hell Hound
Hippogriff
Hobgoblin
Horse
Hydra
Kobold
Lizard Man
Lycanthrope
Manticore
Medusa
Minotaur
Mummy
Ochre Jelly
Ogre
Orc
Owl Bear
Pegasi
Pixie
Purple Worm
Rust Monster
Shadow
Shrieker
Skeleton
Spectre
Spider
Stirge
Troglodyte
Troll
Unicorn
Vampire
Wight
Wraith
Yellow Mold
Zombie
Anyone every tried to fight all those acidic slime type monsters with lye? That might be cool. Also interesting is that 8 hit die giants versus max 3 hit die PCs makes for a much better Jack and the Beanstalk scenario than the usual G1-2-3 approach.
The best Phantasmal Force ever
The psionic undermutants of the Planet of the Apes cartoon do not like it when the Primate Army camps over their realm, so they use their psychic juju to conjure up the illusion of a King Kong sized skull shooting fire out of its eyes and mouth.
Draft from the Past
Today I decided to flip through the old drafts laying about my blogger account. This one, entitled "Secrets of Cinder, part 4" dates back to '07 or '08. My old World of Cinder campaign setting was more overtly gonzo than Wessex and this is piece is a pretty good example of that fact. What it isn't is original in anyway, which is probably why I didn't post it all those moons ago. Still, I kinda like it.
Sufficiently advanced magic
Although you might not be able to tell it, Cinder is a post-apocalyptic world. Settled during an age of prodigious wonders, the planet suffered much during a galactic cataclysm. Much was forgotten and now the Cinderians ignorantly look upon the ashes and dust of that bygone age and think they still see greatness. Who among them remembers that all the various Interfertile Races were all once a single thin thread of humanity? Even the long-lived elves have forgotten this genetic diaspora, though they retain much secret knowledge. Their legends tell of the Clock at the Center of the World, which is doubtless a muddled memory of the planetary computer that guided Cinder�s welfare before the galactic tachyon network fell. The tachyon net fell once and remained down forever and the results were disastrous. The planetary computers had never known isolation, having always existed in the communion of saints that was the galactic metamind of shared computing power. Many went insane, some committing suicide. Others found themselves trapped in distributed processing functions, unable to break free of the chains of calculating pi to the final decimal place.
Cinder faired better than most, allowing for several centuries of technological luxury before lack of software maintenance started to take its toll. It was a long silver twilight following an interstellar golden age. But eventually the machine became unreliable, errors compounded upon errors, and eventually the computer stopped responding to inquiries at all. The air trains fell from the skies, the autoweather failed, the robo-farms stopped planting, and Cinderian society was 404�ed back to the stone age. But the computer never failed completely. Even today, it still responds to some user commands, but access to the system remains limited to the few who know the secrets.
Sufficiently advanced magic
Although you might not be able to tell it, Cinder is a post-apocalyptic world. Settled during an age of prodigious wonders, the planet suffered much during a galactic cataclysm. Much was forgotten and now the Cinderians ignorantly look upon the ashes and dust of that bygone age and think they still see greatness. Who among them remembers that all the various Interfertile Races were all once a single thin thread of humanity? Even the long-lived elves have forgotten this genetic diaspora, though they retain much secret knowledge. Their legends tell of the Clock at the Center of the World, which is doubtless a muddled memory of the planetary computer that guided Cinder�s welfare before the galactic tachyon network fell. The tachyon net fell once and remained down forever and the results were disastrous. The planetary computers had never known isolation, having always existed in the communion of saints that was the galactic metamind of shared computing power. Many went insane, some committing suicide. Others found themselves trapped in distributed processing functions, unable to break free of the chains of calculating pi to the final decimal place.
Cinder faired better than most, allowing for several centuries of technological luxury before lack of software maintenance started to take its toll. It was a long silver twilight following an interstellar golden age. But eventually the machine became unreliable, errors compounded upon errors, and eventually the computer stopped responding to inquiries at all. The air trains fell from the skies, the autoweather failed, the robo-farms stopped planting, and Cinderian society was 404�ed back to the stone age. But the computer never failed completely. Even today, it still responds to some user commands, but access to the system remains limited to the few who know the secrets.
Today these Cinderian computer nerds are called warlocks, wizards, etc. None of them understand that they are accessing an invisible, planet-wide computer, that the phrases they mutter are in a machine command language or that the gestures they make are manipulating a virtual GUI environment projected upon an airborne nanotech medium. No wizard today knows that guardian daemons are security programs made flesh. They mumble the mumbo jumbo and make the signs and passes and the fireball incinerates their foes. Many wizards are much too busy cackling in glee and incinerating foes to question the why�s and how�s of this arrangement, and those that do have come up with many different theories, few of which talk about computers. In the Age of Clerics no human has ever heard of a computer, whereas in the Age of Robodroids computers are multi-ton blocks of metal with cathode-ray viewscreens and mechanical keyboards.
The Castle Bouttreaux Caper
So this morning's D&D via Google+ Hangout caps off an intense week of gaming. The planning for the jailbreak of Samson Jones! took quite a bit of hashing out. Before the game even started Farley the Dwarf introduced the wizard James of Dillington to his now-apprentice Rellyk, Uggs the Cleric obtained the vestments and a carriage so as to pass himself off as the Archbishop of Totalslava, Alexander 'De Rutebaga' Manning and his entourage invited themselves over for a visit and Elsa the Explorer got drunk with the local priest then seduced Lady Susan. Elsa is played by Annah Shilts, who was not on my player list for the campaign. One day she just sent me a message saying "I'm joining the jailbreak, here's my character, now what I'd like to do is..." How could I pass that up? That's a DM's dream, a player who shows up with an agenda!
At least two versions of what happened a few nights ago at Castle Bouttreaux eventually emerge. The first is the tale of a party getting completely out of hand. Lord William, knowing how high-ranking clerics are, instructs his servants to make sure the wine flows free the first night of the Archbishop's visit. Taurus Hellsheart shows up to play his diabolical accordion music (I occasionally borrow colorful PCs for my own nefarious ends), and Alexander Manning shares around some sort of extremely potent drink, which is actually some sort of random potion thingy.
Let me tell you a little bit about Lord William. He is a gloomy man, given to long bouts of melancholy. His wife no longer pays him much heed. He fears his stewardship of the area is in doubt, because to his liege's eye the numerous adventurers may look like bands of robbers wandering the land. He misses his own adventuresome days of his youth, when he wandered a knight errant. And he worries greatly that when the Dragon of Dundagel returns to the area it will go on a Godzilla level rampage through the place. Dude's got so much pent-up anxiety that too much wine plus random potion of strength results in Lord William going absolutely apeshit. He busts up much of the furniture in the hallway in sheer ecstatic joy in his newly regained strength. (Alexander Manning helps break the rest of it, as I recall.) Then he challenges one of James of Dillington's henchmen, a Danish berserker named Olaf, to a wrestling match.
Olaf goes full on berserk while Sir William is still under the effect of a potion of bull's-strength. They wrestle around the great hall and into the courtyard between the hall and the tower where Samson is being held. I describe the fight as on par, in terms of duration and brutality, with John Nada and Frank Armitage throwing down in John Carpenter's They Live. (If you haven't seen that flick you totally need to track it down. The only other movie fight scene comparably awesome is the one at the end of The Quiet Man.) Literally everyone who lives and works in the whole dang castle eventually gathers to watch this fight, with the sole exception of Lady Susan's dour sister Chezmerelda who goes up to her room to pray against all this hooliganry.
A second fight erupts between Father Andrew, the drunken castle priest, and Alexander Manning. Taurus is playing his accordion and more ale and wine is being passed around as everyone gets drunker. Then later the two pairs get entangled and Manning is now fighting Sir William while the berserker just wrecks the poor man of the cloth, even though he is now made of wood (don't ask). Father Andrew's face looks like a murder scene the next day.
That's about when Satan shows up. That's right, this party is so out of control that the Prince of Darkness himself crashes it! He carries off to hell a servant boy, the blacksmith, the other minstrel present (who wasn't very good) and Samson Jones! He would have claimed more souls but James of Dillington slurred some magic words (he was drunk like everyone else) and sent Old Scratch back below. The next morning Lady Chezmerelda is the first one awake, screaming that Satan knocked her out and stole her prayer book.
Chezmerelda is so tramautized by this brush with the Devil that she leaves two days later to join a convent. Her sister accompanies her on the journey, then writes home to her husband that she intends to stay as well. It seems seeing the King of Hell scared her straight (in more than one way).
That's the official version anyway. Folks at the Blue Rabbit will hear the real version from several members of Uggs' Irregulars a.k.a Team Adventure. "Satan" was actually some sort of Guardian Daemon released when one of the party members took a crowbar to the chest containing James of Dillington's personal effects. These brave do-gooders couldn't just bust Samson Jones! out of jail, they had to rob the place as well. They made off with a bunch of gems and platinum pieces, the wizard's palantir, and Lady Chezmerelda's prize possessions, her high-tone chess set and her bejeweled prayer book. Samson was pulled out of the tower (the other three victims of Satan really were killed by the demon) and reunited with his sons. And no one's the wiser, so Alexander Manning is still a guest of Lord William and Rellyk is still James of Dillington's apprentice.
By the way, if any FLAILSNAILS pc has blacksmithing skill and wants a day job, Castle Bouttreaux has an opening. The last holder of the position was carried off by Satan, but that rarely happens.
Elsa the Explorer's report
"Archbishop" Uggs' report
Farley the Dwarf's report
Alexander "De Rutabaga" Manning's report part 1 and part 2
At least two versions of what happened a few nights ago at Castle Bouttreaux eventually emerge. The first is the tale of a party getting completely out of hand. Lord William, knowing how high-ranking clerics are, instructs his servants to make sure the wine flows free the first night of the Archbishop's visit. Taurus Hellsheart shows up to play his diabolical accordion music (I occasionally borrow colorful PCs for my own nefarious ends), and Alexander Manning shares around some sort of extremely potent drink, which is actually some sort of random potion thingy.
Let me tell you a little bit about Lord William. He is a gloomy man, given to long bouts of melancholy. His wife no longer pays him much heed. He fears his stewardship of the area is in doubt, because to his liege's eye the numerous adventurers may look like bands of robbers wandering the land. He misses his own adventuresome days of his youth, when he wandered a knight errant. And he worries greatly that when the Dragon of Dundagel returns to the area it will go on a Godzilla level rampage through the place. Dude's got so much pent-up anxiety that too much wine plus random potion of strength results in Lord William going absolutely apeshit. He busts up much of the furniture in the hallway in sheer ecstatic joy in his newly regained strength. (Alexander Manning helps break the rest of it, as I recall.) Then he challenges one of James of Dillington's henchmen, a Danish berserker named Olaf, to a wrestling match.
Olaf goes full on berserk while Sir William is still under the effect of a potion of bull's-strength. They wrestle around the great hall and into the courtyard between the hall and the tower where Samson is being held. I describe the fight as on par, in terms of duration and brutality, with John Nada and Frank Armitage throwing down in John Carpenter's They Live. (If you haven't seen that flick you totally need to track it down. The only other movie fight scene comparably awesome is the one at the end of The Quiet Man.) Literally everyone who lives and works in the whole dang castle eventually gathers to watch this fight, with the sole exception of Lady Susan's dour sister Chezmerelda who goes up to her room to pray against all this hooliganry.
A second fight erupts between Father Andrew, the drunken castle priest, and Alexander Manning. Taurus is playing his accordion and more ale and wine is being passed around as everyone gets drunker. Then later the two pairs get entangled and Manning is now fighting Sir William while the berserker just wrecks the poor man of the cloth, even though he is now made of wood (don't ask). Father Andrew's face looks like a murder scene the next day.
That's about when Satan shows up. That's right, this party is so out of control that the Prince of Darkness himself crashes it! He carries off to hell a servant boy, the blacksmith, the other minstrel present (who wasn't very good) and Samson Jones! He would have claimed more souls but James of Dillington slurred some magic words (he was drunk like everyone else) and sent Old Scratch back below. The next morning Lady Chezmerelda is the first one awake, screaming that Satan knocked her out and stole her prayer book.
Chezmerelda is so tramautized by this brush with the Devil that she leaves two days later to join a convent. Her sister accompanies her on the journey, then writes home to her husband that she intends to stay as well. It seems seeing the King of Hell scared her straight (in more than one way).
That's the official version anyway. Folks at the Blue Rabbit will hear the real version from several members of Uggs' Irregulars a.k.a Team Adventure. "Satan" was actually some sort of Guardian Daemon released when one of the party members took a crowbar to the chest containing James of Dillington's personal effects. These brave do-gooders couldn't just bust Samson Jones! out of jail, they had to rob the place as well. They made off with a bunch of gems and platinum pieces, the wizard's palantir, and Lady Chezmerelda's prize possessions, her high-tone chess set and her bejeweled prayer book. Samson was pulled out of the tower (the other three victims of Satan really were killed by the demon) and reunited with his sons. And no one's the wiser, so Alexander Manning is still a guest of Lord William and Rellyk is still James of Dillington's apprentice.
By the way, if any FLAILSNAILS pc has blacksmithing skill and wants a day job, Castle Bouttreaux has an opening. The last holder of the position was carried off by Satan, but that rarely happens.
Elsa the Explorer's report
"Archbishop" Uggs' report
Farley the Dwarf's report
Alexander "De Rutabaga" Manning's report part 1 and part 2
every game product in The Elfish Gene
Anyway, I thought it would be neat to list all the old gaming stuff that gets mentioned in passing in the pages of this weird memoir.
OD&D - mentions each book in the series by name at one point or another, from Men & Magic through all the Supplements
AD&D - dude consistently refers to the PHB as the Player's Manual. Bugs me.
The Strategic Review - precursor to The Dragon
The Dragon
News from Bree - zine
Owl & Weasel - zine
Alarums & Excursions - APAzine, still going last time I checked
Underworld Oracle - zine
Illusionist's Vision - zine
The Book of Demons - published by Little Soldier Games, anybody got this one?
The Arduin Grimoire
Traveller
White Dwarf
Empire of the Petal Throne - he's talks quite a bit about EPT
Tunnels & Trolls
Ogre
Bunnies & Burrows
Chivalry & Sorcery
City State of the Invincible Overlord
Tomb of Horrors
Dungeon Geomorphs
Runequest
Palace of the Vampire Queen
Dwarven Glory
MegaTraveller
En Garde!
Lankhmar - a boardgame version, I believe
War of the Star Slavers
Godsfire
Nomad Gods
Tegel Manor
Dungeon Tac Cards
Nightmare Maze of Jigresh - man, I hate the map in this EPT module
Citadel - a boardgame perhaps
White Bear Red Moon
The Emerald Tablet
Gamma World
Chainmail
Call of Cthulhu
Apple Lane
Snake Pipe Hollow
Glory of the North - possibly apocryphal, Barrowcliffe gives it as an example of the sort of grandiose title he wishes Runequest scenarios had, instead of the banal Apple Lane & Snake Pipe Hollow
The Snows of Ilmirth - same as Glory of the North
The Hargrave Descriptionator, part 4
Here's the last piece of random room features inspired by the Arduin modules. By request, here's all four pieces in a single Google doc. And while you're grabbing some random charts, here are some quicky gem and jewel charts I whipped up a while back.
d100 OTHER FEATURES
01-02 air glows pale green
03-05 bitter, metallic odor
06-08 blood splattered about
09-11 chandelier(s) with oil lamps
12-13 crystal chandelier
14-15 darkness spell only counterable with a wish
16-18 doors of brass bound oak with ivory skull-themed knockers
19-21 doors of brass bound seasoned oak 18" thick
22-24 doors of burnished copper
25-27 doors of dull iron
28-29 doors of fire-blackened iron
30-32 doors of highly polished bronze
33-34 doors of iron sheathed in tarnished copper
35-36 doors of silver-plated steel
37-39 dust covering everything
40-42 every surface painted with horrible cabalistic designs
43-45 filled with giant toadstools
46-47 glass globe containing neon red gas, illuminating room
48-49 glass orb glowing with daylight equivalent
50-51 green malachite steps up to an altar
52-54 huge masses of cobwebs in corners
55-56 odor of burnt pepper
57-59 odor of rotting meat
60-61 oily quality to the air
62-63 pale blue haze smells of licorice
64-66 pile of bones and rusted weapons/armor
67-69 room filled with glowing golden fog
70-72 room smells of cinnamon and fried chicken
73-75 shattered and partially dissolved bones
76-79 shiny polished sconces every 3'
81-83 smell of licorice
84-85 smell of lilys
86-87 smell of peppermint
88-90 smell of sulphur
91-92 tinkling sound like windchimes
93-96 torches in brass sconces
97-00 white marble pillars
d100 OTHER FEATURES
01-02 air glows pale green
03-05 bitter, metallic odor
06-08 blood splattered about
09-11 chandelier(s) with oil lamps
12-13 crystal chandelier
14-15 darkness spell only counterable with a wish
16-18 doors of brass bound oak with ivory skull-themed knockers
19-21 doors of brass bound seasoned oak 18" thick
22-24 doors of burnished copper
25-27 doors of dull iron
28-29 doors of fire-blackened iron
30-32 doors of highly polished bronze
33-34 doors of iron sheathed in tarnished copper
35-36 doors of silver-plated steel
37-39 dust covering everything
40-42 every surface painted with horrible cabalistic designs
43-45 filled with giant toadstools
46-47 glass globe containing neon red gas, illuminating room
48-49 glass orb glowing with daylight equivalent
50-51 green malachite steps up to an altar
52-54 huge masses of cobwebs in corners
55-56 odor of burnt pepper
57-59 odor of rotting meat
60-61 oily quality to the air
62-63 pale blue haze smells of licorice
64-66 pile of bones and rusted weapons/armor
67-69 room filled with glowing golden fog
70-72 room smells of cinnamon and fried chicken
73-75 shattered and partially dissolved bones
76-79 shiny polished sconces every 3'
81-83 smell of licorice
84-85 smell of lilys
86-87 smell of peppermint
88-90 smell of sulphur
91-92 tinkling sound like windchimes
93-96 torches in brass sconces
97-00 white marble pillars